Dead to the World

Sleeping Woman (1935) A beautiful piece of art by Tamara de  Lempicka (see link below)

Sleeping Woman (1935) A beautiful piece of art by Tamara de Lempicka (see link below)

Eyes open.
A thought bubbles to the surface:
“I’m awake.”
Awareness skips
across my consciousness
forcing me to stir.
I resist.

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She’ll Be Wearing Pink Pajamas

Mom hair Sandy Jan 2014A shaft of light settles just so on her white hair. Her eyes are unusually clear and bright: the right one reflects the sun as it shines through the window; the left is hidden in shadow.

“You look like an angel Mom,” I say, caught in the beauty of now.

Sandy wraps a stray wisp around the curling iron, rolls it close (but not too close) to Mom’s scalp, and waits for it to set.

“I will be one soon.” Mom replies.

My eyes meet Sandy’s.

It’s one of those moments of profound knowing that caregivers, hospice workers and those whom they serve share unexpectedly – one of those times in which there is no denying the depth of our connection with the divine.

Mom knows. And she’s letting us know she knows. While her brain and body struggle in the late stages of Alzheimer’s disease, her heart, soul and spirit are ready to be set free.

She rarely strings words together to form a sentence anymore other than when she sings (see below), or when there’s a break in the clouds as there has been with her reply. Mostly her speech is disjointed and random, a pick-up-sticks game of subjects, verbs and objects with no real meaning, except when the occasional tear in the increasingly thin veil between here and there allows something astonishing to slip through.

I’m not a religious person, not at all. But I recognize divinity when it touches down.

As Sandy curls Mom’s hair on a Friday afternoon in January, 2014, I imagine an invisible-to-us angel singing in her ear:

“We’ll all come out to meet you when you come. We’ll all come out to meet you when you come. With a hug and kiss we’ll greet you, yes, we’ll all come out to meet you when you come…”

My mother knows she is in the final stages of her journey. Maybe in some ways she’s lucky. Some of us are taken suddenly, snatched without warning from this world we think belongs to us but clearly doesn’t.

Death by ambush? Or a long drawn out siege? Either way, living fully is our duty, discovering joy is our privilege and life breaks our hearts  whichever path we choose. Life is meant to be lived after all, joys and sorrows notwithstanding.

Mom still lives with gusto like this, this, this, and this. Maybe that’s why she’s not quite ready to go around the mountain. But she’s getting closer to being ready. When the time is right a whole host of angels will be there to “greet her when she comes.”

I’ll bet she’ll be wearing pink pajamas.

Heavens!

Special thanks to earthbound angels Sandy Card and Eric Manolson.

Related links:

Loving Words at Sunset

I See You and Me. And Love.

85 And Feistier Than Ever

An endless prayer

Oh Mom! (A mother/daughter moment remembered)

15 Empowering Things to Tell Your Kids (and Yourself)

10 Things Our Daughters Could Learn From Whitney Houston

6 Powerful Ways to Make Your Life More Beautiful

Life Breaks My Heart

Loving Words at Sunset

Patti and Gaby

My Mom Patti (left), and her friend Gaby (right)

My Mom, Patti, soon to be 85 and in the advanced stages of Alzheimer’s disease, can’t really carry on a “sensible” conversation anymore.

Mom’s friend Gaby is 97. While Mom has lost most of her marbles, Gaby still has all but a few of hers.

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15 Empowering Things to Tell Your Kids (and Yourself)

AWR say I love u a lotAbout a year ago, I was cracking up (not in a good way). I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. So I did both. Often. And intensely.

I had been caring for my then 83-year-old mother with insufficient support for about eight months, and I was about to lose the plot, cash in my chips, throw in the towel, give up the ghost.

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O Canada In Birthday Poetry

O Canada!

A bright red

cardinal sings

Happy Birthday

In morning mist.

 

Our home and native land

A multicultural mosaic.

Offers refuge.

Kindles hope.

Within and without.

 

True patriot love in all thy sons

(and daughters)

Command

We do love you

O Canada.

 

With glowing hearts

We reach out.

Beyond borders.

North, south, east, west,

In worldwide community.

 

We see thee rise

And sometimes fall,

A country challenged.

Nations disparate

In changing seasons.

 

The true north

Cold as ice

And twice as nice,

in summer than

in winter.

 

Strong and free

As we wish.

To be

together

in prosperity.

 

From far and wide

We are unbound

by shining seas

or 50 states

in a melting pot.

 

O Canada

A bright red

maple leaf waves

Happy Birthday

in blue skies.

 

We stand on guard

and lower it sometimes,

lest fear occupy

Too great a space

In our time.

 

For thee

For peace.

For this earth.

For humanity.

In solidarity.

 

god keep our land

Those within it.

And without it.

Safe, not sorry,

in security.

 

Glorious and free

From racism

sexism, consumerism,

and other isms that might

in prison us.

 

O Canada!

Be all we can be.

Now.

Today, and

in perpetuity.

We're proudly celebrating Canada's 141st birth...

White Maggot and Bumblebee Salad

Love bumblebees!

Love bumblebees!

Every Monday morning for the last eight weeks, eight to 10 of us gathered from nine to noon at the Bibliotheque North Hatley Library to write.

Expertly led Carolyn Rowell, who came to the workshops equipped with all kinds of interesting exercises, prompts, thoughts, and ideas to challenge us, we put pens to paper (or fingers to keyboard), then shared the fruits of our labour between ourselves.

I also shared some of my output here (e.g. The Lost and Found, See Me?, Life is Breathtaking, An Endless Prayer, Oh Mom!, Life Breaks My Heart and more in the “Writing”category in the drop down at the bottom left of the page if you’re on the site, if not then skiddadle on over there!)

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10 Cool Lists of 10 Cool Things to Love

PINK heart 10It’s no secret that, besides this soon-to-be-amazing personal blog, I also run an already amazing (she writes none-too-modestly) website not surprisingly called AmazingWomenRock.com, which has, over the last five years, become my own fabulously random work of multimedia performance art as well as an online oasis of inspiration for women and men who love women (she shares even more modestly).

(Phew! Shorter sentences please Susan.)

ANYWAY, just for fun it (and because I don’t have the time or inclination right now to pen, or more accurately to type, something deep and meaningful, and also there may soon be enough deep and meaningful shit on this blog for us all to wade through or drown in, in which case, bring wine please, or not, in which case, again, bring wine; in fact, bring wine in any and all cases: a case of it should do nicely), I thought this list of 10 Cool Lists of 10 Cool Things to Love, drawn from the pages of AmazingWomenRock.com, would, you know, tide us over for the moment, before the flood, the onslaught, the TSUNAMI of blog posts I may, just MAY, one day get a round to writing/typing, which reminds me, the next one will be about that very thing – getting around to it. Or at least that’s the plan. At the moment. Until it changes. (<= Sentences like this one are good. Ones like the first one, not so much.)

Stay tuned.

In the meantime, whaddaya’ think of these?

  1. 10 Affirmations to Kickstart Yourself (See “around to it” above)
  2. 10 Rules For Amazing & Brilliant Women (See AmazingWomenRock.com)
  3. 10 Obscure Facts About Orgasm (See below the belt)
  4. 10 Lessons to Learn From A Dog’s Life (File under love, love, love)
  5. 10 Things Teachers Make (by Taylor Mali) (Awesome slam)
  6. 10 Top Tips for Living in Love (Useful)
  7. 10 Gems From Making My Facial Into a Fellini Movie (See “Susan is quirky.” Okay, Susan is a case. See above.)
  8. 10 Rules To Live By Every Single Day (Break some rules, but not these ones…)
  9. 10 Life Lessons I Learned From Being a Biker (Guest blog post from a biker babe friend)
  10. 10 Ways To Be A Good Wife (in 1954) (Whoa!)

Th th th th th that’s all for now folks!

Related articles

Life Breaks My Heart

Life Breaks My Heart (Image thanks to GraphicsHunt.com)

Life Breaks My Heart (Image thanks to GraphicsHunt.com)

Life breaks my heart.
Life breaks my heart.
There it is land-sliding
Down my lover’s shoulders
When we discover his dog:
Dead in the backyard.

Life dissolves my heart.
Life dissolves my heart.
There it is flowing in the river
Of my mother’s tears
Because she can’t go home:
Yet. Continue reading